Eons ago, whilst still in the jungle of evolving life-forms, the human looked around. The others species had better vision, hearing, sense of smell, had better camouflage, were stronger, faster etc. The human really was quite pathetic and the only advantage it had - was an intellect and imagination. So as a survival tool, out of this mind it created an illusion - an ego. Now it could strut through the jungle believing it was the best thing on the planet, superior in all ways - the height of evolution.
There are in survival only 2 poles - attraction (+) and fear(-), (freeze comes when we cannot decide which is best). The ego went for the negative pole - fear - our shield and sometimes a weapon.
When we are first born, we have no knowledge of this, we use our 'big people' to look after us. But before we are 5 years old, our ego has been created - out of fear. With this comes what we call our negative emotions (motions to move us out of danger) - anger, frustration, criticism of ourselves and others, compulsions, shame, rebellion, confusion, separatism, feeling of powerlessness, depression, need to control, dishonesty (with our selves and others), need to analyse and judge - to pigeon hole everything, label everything, suffering, blaming, doubting, complaining etc. Coping with this relic of the jungle is what gives psychologists huge wages and causes us crippling relationships with each other. It is very useful when taken out and used with considered reason, but not when it destroys what we love most. Our original innocent self was wise, calm, clear, joyous, tender, generous, patient, believing in unity and one-ness, accepting, laughing, free, uninhibited, magical. We spend the rest of our lives trying to get back to this 'True' Self.
In any kind of relationship with others, the buttons to this survival tool get triggered, our energy leaps from our minds to our solar plexus gut, and our ego leaps into action to defend us. The stronger our emotional re-action, the more need has been indicated for defence. We become 'unreasonable', our ego has crippled our Inner Child self to become an 'Idiot Child'. We become 'childish' in a negative way. It causes violence, wars, selfishness, divorce, damage to our own children in turn. No one 'makes us this way'; no other person 'made' us angry - we did it to ourselves, through believing that our ego needing defending. We 'lose our head'.
As children dependent upon 'big people' for so long, we studied them carefully and knew them far better than they ever knew, or know, us. Our survival depended upon it. So we copied them - thinking that this must be the correct way to live upon this planet, the only way. We have to trust their way is best but we might learn that THEY are not to be trusted as people. Being a parent is the hardest job on the planet, or at least - the way we 'civilised' people do it. Relationships are our best lessons for us to learn about ourselves, because when in close connection with someone else - and in marriage and family life - where better?, mirrors are held up to us, because we attract either what we lack or what we are hiding from ourselves about ourselves. Others mirror it for us. In traditional native societies the whole tribe/family assists in caring for the young, so that the relationship between parent and child is not so intense and competitive. The older ones feeling they must defend their egos and the young forming theirs and trying them out.
When, a strong negative impulse threatens to 'overcome' us and the energy is ready to leave our head and rush to our solar plexus, STOP!! And breath deeply to allow the energy to stop - and stay in our head where it will do our modern self more good. We are no longer in the jungle, we can now 'use our head' and use logic, reason and creative imagination - to put ourselves in the other person's shoes and find out - even ask - (try communication) - what their position is and ask ourselves why this is causing us to re-act in this damaging way (to ourselves as much as to the other person) instead of responding in a considered way. We can even laugh at ourselves, as we catch ourselves reverting to this 'jungle mode' self, nearly making us into that idiot child - and displaying our immaturity.Now THAT WOULD be embarrassing wouldn't it.It's these situations, which cause us to re-incarnate, to practise the lessons we learned in theory but it is here that our practical homework modules are. It's a good game - that we've given ourselves, a good game and it's all about bringing the reality that this world IS a virtual reality game that we set up for ourselves, to learn what we most need to learn, to gain those characteristics that we need to acquire. All the Great Masters of all religions and taught this same message. We should THANK all those that hold up those mirrors for us, they are doing us a great favour. Communication is the key, we 'read' others through the illusion of our own perspective - which is often discoloured and WRONG.
Talking in a relaxed manner finds out a great deal more information. We recognise that we are all aspects of One and it is only through communication that we learn about ourselves. Little children under 5yrs have not yet learned how to be dishonest, and seeing ourselves through their eyes is a valuable privilege, which is why with them - I feel relaxed, accepted and grateful. We might teach them how to survive on this planet but they remind us, because they are new here, that we are not yet so wise as they. We, too, can learn from them, if WE are wise and humble enough.