Observe what are:
Your body sensations
- sending data to your brain,
Your emotions
(hormone secretions released in response to a physical event including body sensation data),
Your thoughts
(electrical sparks across brain synapses) - neurological formations through cultural and family patterning, built since birth.
They can be 'dubbed over' with new recordings, new thoughts
NONE of these are YOU! Let them all go - like debris under a bridge.

Be PRESENT here and now, in all you do, wherever you go, whatever happens around/to you. What happens around/to you - you are not free to choose, you CAN choose how you re-act to it.
Do not identify your-Self with your emotions/thoughts. Focus upon the SPACES between the thoughts - the PAUSES/GAPS/PORTALS and ALLOW The Source to inspire you with helpful, healthy guidance.
This is recognised by It's Stillness, Peace, Vitality, Joy, Unjudgmental Love.

Our Life situation is usually conducted in a fog of past fears projecting upon a possible future and therefore throwing a shadow of fear/anxiety. We need to clear this fog by becoming Conscious in the Now which acts like a torch giving a Light Beam of direction forward.
Other people/outer circumstances are NOT the cause of your bad feelings, but they are the cause of bringing out the pain and unhappiness already there, the addictive behaviour ruts that we fall into in unconscious reactions to situations that trigger those hidden pains and struggles.
To become mature, we need to become accept responsibility for our own re-actions, which first need to be faced, then they can be healed and transformed.

First, STOP judging yourself and others, accept yourself as you are, at the moment, and others as they are without needing to judge/label then or change them. Then all the Mind Games are over. Create a Space by this acceptance for transformation to happen and love to enter. (Remember, we are all actors upon this Earth Stage and are playing the chosen roles). Relationships of all types, are here to make you CONSCIOUS in your life; they are not here to make you happy or fulfilled, that is up to you. External events/people you cannot effect; you can effect the inner person and your experience of events. Happiness is a choice of perspective/attitude/habit. Blaming others gives them power over you and your experience; choose not to be a victim; choose to own your own power.

Surrender is not the same thing as resignation; surrender brings clarity, enables you to focus upon one thing at a time ie the NOW moment, and enables In-Spiration to come through the Space/Portal.
Relationships are our Mirrors, we attack our own image (of which we do not want to be reminded) - either of what we are repressing or what we are lacking. Surrender transforms YOU not the situation, but will give you a different experience of that situation. All negativity is resistance to What Is - causing us pain.
Practise feeling yourself as a transparent energy field and allow the irritant or negativity to pass through this field, do not claim it as 'you' and it will not affect you. It is no longer blocked y a wall of resistance - the struggle of you fighting the phantom. There is no-one 'there' to get hurt.

ATTENTION! Be Here Now. ATTENTION: Awareness of body, emotions, thoughts. Just accept them in the temporary flow without feeling the need to label them. Labels belong to the security system of your left brain of intellectualisation and the survival system of the Ego.
Another useful tool, is awareness of yourself as a lake and these external situations are the surface waves - temporary weather conditions; the depths of the complete lake are your Real Self - calm, undisturbed.
Your Primary Task in Earth Life is not to create a 'better world' but to awaken out of identification with it, it is an Illusion/Maya. Your Healing Influence is based on Being not Doing.
Become aware not only of 'space' in Time, but space around objects - the No-Thing-ness, and the spaces within the objects (eg between atoms). What makes a room? Is it the objects, walls or is it the space? This space is the Essence of the Room - Stillness, and of your Self.

'Chi/Ki/Qi' is a movement like a river from the Source - The Stillness - The Portal where Birth/Death arises.
Salvation is 'Knowing God/Source' as our own Essence and that of others, bringing us Freedom. We 'get there' by Real-ising that we are 'there' already. Surrender to 'What-Is' - the gaps between sounds and the spaces around objects; the gaps between the thoughts - focus upon the Portal.

In romantic relationships, 'love' quickly becomes hate, as the Mirrors flash up and invokes the same dysfunction even when the person changes for another person, because it is two ego-state needs which are meeting. It is very easy to see the negative in each other. When we are 'in love' we feel special, alive, our existence meaningful because we are needed and together we feel we are a whole. This feeling is addictive - a 'high' giving our bodies certain release of hormones similar to that in drugs. This relationship seems to offer liberation from deep-seated fears/needs/lacks or incompletions. The new love reinforces our ego-state's habitual thoughts about itself, and you feel both 'love' and it's oppositite - fear.

True love has no polarity, no opposite.

Then we begin to feel that our 'other' has 'let - us - down', failed our needs.
Listen to the 'other' in all relationships, with our bodies (noticing sensations), being aware of our emotional responses and watching our thoughts and then focus upon the spaces - and allow true guidance to reach us. Relax the body, release those emotional responses and automatic robotic egoic thoughts, and allow the true person before us to enter our awareness, and the gifts that s/he is giving us and we to the 'other' and the 'Present (Gift)' in the present moment and place; and be appreciative and grateful. See how beautiful the 'other' is, how beautiful the situation is, and how beautiful you are.

We need to not fight the negative thoughts and feelings, but to record new ones by replacing them with fresh positive healthy thoughts and feelings. We can recall past events when we experienced those positive feelings and reproduce them - repeatedly until we can induce them in ourselves as required. Fighting negative feelings just gives them power; just replace them. Eventually with practice, the old pattern will be obliterated and forgotten. Cultivate positive mental images and empower them with feeling and they will LIVE in you. Keeping negative emotions within you, means they become 'hooks' for you to attract similar again.
Let them go.

Become aware of your thoughts, emotions, sensations (messages from your subconscious) in different situations, with different people. Observe yourself in situations daily, accept what you observe, then transmute that into positive, healthy, beautiful conditions, that will encourage more and more of these happy conditions to occur to you.

Be relaxed about this process, do not get 'hung up' about any temporary failures as you acquire new habits of being, relax, smile, congratulate yourself for progress made and keep keeping on towards your goal. Choose to respond to events in a positive manner of your choice not someone else's expectations. Do not act out of habitual patterns of your own old expectations of yourself either, but your new happy ones. Become en = theusiastic- (from 'theos' = god) about your new chosen self/goal. Do not become entrapped by thinking over old mistakes and dismal events; nor dwell negatively in mental ruts of dismal thoughts about the future. Live positive TODAY here and now. Like any new skill, practise makes perfect. And you will be.